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I was very patient and empathetic enough to not pursue anything physical until she was able to afford health insurance and get a prognosis and treatment for her symptoms. A little while after she received her pelvic exam and medicine, things slowly started to improve in the sheets for a while. Then her drive just slowly dissipated and sex became as boring as a senior citizen's jazzercise work out class- Now I'm lucky if we even do it once every month or two. On the rare occasion when the magic happens, I'm usually the one that has to initiate anything and she usually just reciprocates and lays there like a corpse; no foreplay, no passionate tongue kissing, nothing mutual on her part.
Lately when I inquire for her reasons she quickly resorts to the, "oh, I've had a day at work" or "Well, I'm tired you look quite lethargic yourself" excuse. I feel a bit immature for admitting this, but I can't help but feel self conscious, insecure and unattractive in spite of it all. It also doesn't aid my self esteem that I've been let go from yet another employer this year, which has created financial hardships and tension between us. We had the 'open relationship' discussion several times before, but her responses were cold, "yeah, it's fine, I guess whatever" or "Maybe we'll what happens".
She's always been awkward and uncomfortable when discussing sex, but now whenever I try to express my feelings about our lack of intimacy she just shuts me up and changes the subject. Time and time again, we fight then kiss and make up and she promises me she'll work on it-yet nothing ever comes to fruition.
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