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Still think the perfect man is out there? Author Lori Gottlieb wants you to think again. Here is an excerpt. You may visit the Husband Store only once. There are six floors, and the value of the products increases on each successive floor. The shopper can choose any item from a particular floor, or go up to shop on the next floor, but she cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So, a woman goes into the store. On the first floor the on the door re:. Floor 6: You are visitor 42,, to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor only exists to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Okay, here they are. The qualities, off the top my head and in no particular order, that would be on my shopping list if I visited a Husband Store. This is what I started off with when I sat down to write this book. But she was right: It took me all of three minutes to give a detailed description of my ideal guy.
Then she took it a step further: Hone down the list to make it more realistic. I gave it a try. But even as I eliminated some qualities, I found it hard to get rid of most entirely. There were so many variables. In the past, I dated a freelance artist, only to say that next time I wanted someone financially stable.
What if she was right? Had I overlooked men who might have turned out to be great husbands because I was drawn to an instant spark and a checklist instead of a solid life partner? By the time I hit 30, I knew that nobody was perfect including me and that whoever I married would be a flawed human being like the rest of us. I also knew that none of that heady first-blush excitement guaranteed everlasting love, but I felt that without this initial launching pad, romance would never get off the ground.
So, at least in the beginning of a relationship, I expected to be dazzled even if that meant being so distracted by my object of affection that I nearly lost my job and risked my very livelihood. I expected to feel some sort of divine connection even if that meant being in a constant state of nausea and having an obsessive need to check my voice mail every thirty minutes.
Meanwhile, my unconscious husband-shopping list grew even longer. Could this be one reason that in , almost 90 percent of women in the United States were married by age 30 but in , only a little more than half were? Or why the percentages of never-married women in every age group studied by the U. Census Bureau from 25 to 44 more than doubled between and ? A different kind of love story This book is a love story.
It all started with a dinner I had with my editor at the Atlantic. I was so tired of having to talk to strangers over plates of pasta when all I wanted was to hang out in sweatpants with my husband on a Saturday night, like my married friends did. I wanted to have a baby while I still could, so instead of ing up with another online dating site, I registered with an online sperm donor site. At the time, I felt empowered and even wrote in the s of the magazine that what I was doing seemed somewhat romantic. Like my married friends with small children, I was sleep-deprived, cranky, and overwhelmed, but unlike them, I was doing it all alone.
Sure, sometimes they complained about their husbands and, at first, I felt proud of my decision not to end up like them — in what seemed like less-than-ideal marriages, with less-than-ideal spouses. All those things that seemed so important when they were dating now had little relevance to their lives.
Now I know better. Either way, I was screwed. I remember being surprised that my friend, a smart and attractive producer, was basically saying she should have settled. But she explained that I had it all wrong. She meant opening herself up to a fulfilling life with a great guy who might not have possessed every quality on her checklist.
When it comes to marriage, what can we live with, and what can we live without? How long does it make sense to hold out for someone better — who we may never find, and who may not exist or be available to us even if he did — when we could be happy with the person right in front of us? I brought up these questions with my editor that night, and neither of us had the answers. For the next two hours, he talked about his marriage and I talked about the dating world, and when the check came, he thought I should explore these issues in an article.
Over the following weeks, as I spoke with friends and acquaintances about their relationships, something surprised me. Whether or not these people went into marriage head-over-heels in love, there seemed to be little difference in how happy they were now. Both kinds of marriages seemed to be working or not working equally well or poorly.
Some had resolved them happily and felt grateful to be with a more realistic Mr. Others regretted letting a great guy go for what now seemed like trivial reasons. Some — including priests, rabbis, matchmakers, and marriage therapists — felt that adjusting our expectations in a healthy way would help members of their congregations, clients, friends, or family members find real romantic fulfillment.
But where did that leave me? What if I want a different 8? She was even dating an 8. She agreed that we should be looking for Mr. Neither did I. How much compromise is too much compromise? If being with Mr. Good Enough means sharing both passion and connection, but also having more reasonable expectations, how do you balance those things? I started by talking to cutting-edge marriage researchers, behavioral economists, sociologists, psychologists, anthropologists, neurobiologists, couples therapists, spiritual leaders, matchmakers, divorce lawyers, dating coaches, and even mothers.
I also listened to stories from single and married people who had helpful experiences to share. But eventually I realized that knowledge was power, and this journey changed me and my dating life profoundly. It could change yours, too. Because in the end, I discovered that finding a guy to get real with is the true love story. IE 11 is not supported. For an optimal experience visit our site on another browser. Share this —. Follow today. More Brands. A new store has opened. A Husband Store!?Looking for mr right look no futher
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